Yahoo Finance What If Your Spouse Has A Different Attitude Towards Money?
More often than not, our attitude and values towards spending and savings comes from our family. Much like how your entire family adores the Soy Sauce Chicken prepared by your grandmother that you ate growing up, our attitude towards money is often an acquired preference from a young child, nurtured through your growing years.
Growing up in a family that prioritised spending on family travel experiences over new furniture would mean that you were introduced at a young age to value experiences over consumables. So as an adult, you might also be more willing to spend on family travels over other items.
Naturally, with marriage to a person, our relationship towards money may change and things may get a little tricky. Studies have shown that over one-quarter of divorces cited money issues as their main reason.
What’s a healthy way to organise money within a marriage? There’s no straight answer to that as every couple is different. But here are some thought starters.
Saver Or Spender? It Could Get More Complicated Than That
Having an early and ongoing conversation in your relationship about money is a good start to understanding each other’s attitudes towards money.
It could be a simple case of the conflict between the spender and saver. While you value security for the long term and be a steadfast saver, your spouse could take a more YOLO money mentality and see money as a means to live a comfortable lifestyle now.
Even in situations where both parties have the shared value of prioritising spending on your children, differences could still arise. Like a preference of the wife to save for childrens’ education whilst the husband has a preference for family travel experiences to create memories for the family.
A good start to better understanding is simply putting yourself in each other’s shoes to get a better sense of reasons and motivations of his or her values.
What does having money mean to you?
Did your family talk about money growing up?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate how we spend our money?
If I spent $100 on something and didn’t tell you, would you be upset with me? What about $1000?
What’s one money habit that you admire about me?
Watch For Signs That Your Spouse Has An Unhealthy Relationship With Money
There may be instances where you may need to work with your spouse on his or her unhealthy relationship with Money.
You may notice your spouse is too tight-fisted as a habit rather than necessity. Some tell-tale signs could be constantly worrying about money no matter how much you have and thinking about worst-case scenarios about Money.
I recall in my early years of marriage, I would often pick the cheapest item on a menu instead of what I wanted to eat when we were dining out on special occasions because I was overly anxious about our finances. It was a feeling rather than a fear based on facts. My husband would try to reframe my thoughts by discussing our finances with me regularly to assure me we had sufficient to enjoy the occasional nights out.
Conversely, you may also notice your spouse is living beyond his or her means. Some red flags include trying to live up with the Jones, compulsive shopping or worse, a growing credit card debt.
These unsavoury habits about money are well entrenched over the years and often blind spots to your spouse. Start by pointing these out. It’s like driving dangerously on the road. The driver may not be aware of their own (dangerous) tendencies.
If emotions get heated up in your discussions and you feel like you need an independent party’s help, you can consider reaching out to The Credit Counselling Singapore for personal counselling or online debt management courses.
Read Also: 3 Ways To Identify If A Loved One Is Trapped In A Financially Abusive Relationship
Rolling Up Your Sleeves & Working On A Practical Money Plan
Plan for the lifestyle that you hope to enjoy as a couple, whether it is more prudent or a more lavish life together. Start by discussing the things you agree or disagree on to find the common ground. Discuss major expenses like children’s education, life insurance, purchase of dream home, vacations and eventually retirement. That said, remember and recognise that what could be a major matter for one spouse may appear like a trivial item for the other.
Having a household budget is an efficient way to keep track of the money with your spouse. Studies have shown that couples who combine their money together increase their relationship satisfaction. Setting up a joint account and deciding how much to contribute to it individually, sitting down monthly to go through the household bills is also a common way to manage money for the family goals; whether it is for the monthly expenses or for long-term goals.
Set Aside A “Fun Budget” For Your Personal Spending
Discussing with your spouse on all purchases could be stifling for many, especially when you find yourself having to defend small purchases your partner doesn’t endorse. As much as it’s important to agree on the big picture, it’s equally important to have breathing space to spend on things that you love as an individual.
Imagine having to explain to your spouse why you spent $80 on celebratory drinks with your colleagues after long nights of completing a big project. You could start feeling like your six-year-old if you need to check in every time you want to spend some money.
Instead, give each other the freedom by having individual savings accounts for a bit of privacy or setting aside a “fun budget” that is independent of the family budgeting.
Investing could also be done separately to suit one’s investment personality. With different risk tolerance, joint investments could result in sleepless nights for the risk averse spouse when the portfolio takes a dip.
Find Time To Talk About Money
Life happens and things change so it’s important to keep an ongoing dialogue about money in your relationship.
Whether it is to fit in life changes such as taking a career break, taking a paycut to try out a new career, or welcoming a new baby into the family, it could affect one’s financial expectations and priorities. Sometimes, couples forget to check in with each other to make sure they are still in sync. Consider having this conversation regularly to ensure that your approach toward money is still aligned.
Every married couple is different and there are no hard and fast rules to make money matters work as a couple but a healthy way is to start with understanding and communication. If all goes well, it is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your spouse and develop new money values for your family together.
Read Also: Being Laid Off From A Job Is Like A Relationship That Ended. Here’s How You Can Recover From It
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