Yahoo Finance The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 20-26)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
No one laughs or even smiles when I sing “Lord I was born a scramblin’ man” every time I make eggs but that’s the dad life, baby.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 21, 2021
Flex on your kids by shouting WHOOMP THERE IT IS every time you find something that they looked for “everywhere”
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 25, 2021
my kid randomly told me “I’m gonna go do namaste in the backyard be back soon”
this is... apparently... namaste pic.twitter.com/7SyVOWneEh— kelsey gamble (@kindofsquishy) February 22, 2021
How dare Hasbro de-gender our most beloved traditional male archetype: the potato
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 25, 2021
my kids teacher via zoom: division is multiplication backwards
me: (in distant background) holy shit.— Ordinary (@OrdinaryAlso) February 25, 2021
my kid’s doctor kit includes a stethoscope, an otoscope, a syringe, and like 9 dolphins
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 24, 2021
"Mom, watch this video. Wait til it happens. Watch, Mom. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch..."
- My 6 year old showing me something on YouTube— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) February 21, 2021
Me, trying not to swear in front of my kids like, "Shut the front fucking door" 😃
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 26, 2021
11: This is mom talking on the phone to someone important — “Hi, this is Julie and I talk in a super high pitched voice.” And this is mom when she answers her phone with us — “WHAT DO YOU WANT. I HAVE A LOW MONSTER VOICE NOW.”
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) February 22, 2021
My kids just ate a second breakfast, so I guess I'm raising hobbits
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 22, 2021
My daughter’s s new favorite game is called “walk around the table together”. It’s about as exciting as you’re imagining
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 25, 2021
7s class just had a very lively debate on the topic, "Is cereal a soup?" and I gotta say THIS is the 2nd grade content I lurk for.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 25, 2021
My 6 year old son just asked me how I know his name... I'm not in the mood today
— 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕥🦚🙆🏾♀️ (@Neyogems) February 20, 2021
“do not taste the dog” and other things I never expected to say: a parenting memoir
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2021
4: mom was i in your tummy?
me: yep!
4: who is in there now?
me: no one
4: then why is it so big?
husband: oh no— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 23, 2021
Someday my teenagers will move out and all these amazing memories will be lost like tears in rain. pic.twitter.com/y1fbaR5GAi
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 23, 2021
Me, after 17 asked what I did today, “I paid bills, went to bank, & work. Met w/3 clients. Did an uncontested divorce, a contested div, discovery packet, and a proposed order. I sent 28 emails. I bought groceries, cleaned the house and made dinner.”
17, “Have u seen my adderal?”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 24, 2021
My son got his license and I’m terrified, but totally ok if he wants to drive to McDonald’s and get me a McFlurry.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2021
My toddler is so picky about clothes. She has a million outfits but only wears 5 things. Before giving her a new outfit, I've started taking pictures of it for her to find when flipping through my phone. Without fail, she "wants one" so I "order it" and it "arrives" the next day.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 24, 2021
My daughter asked which age I enjoyed her at the most and I said she has been an absolute delight and pain in the ass at every age and she responded "perfect, that's what I was going for"
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) February 25, 2021
Masks are the new kids socks: they multiply all over your house and you can never find a matching one when you urgently need it.
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) February 24, 2021
On one hand I want my 12yo to be more independent. On the other hand I don’t want him in the kitchen by himself.
— Text TeamTom to 61474 (@MommaUnfiltered) February 25, 2021
Have kids so you too can receive thought-provoking questions such as, "If Goofy & Pluto are both dogs then why does only Goofy talk??"
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 24, 2021
Related...
The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 30-Feb. 5)
The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 6-12)
The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 13-19)
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.
