The handkerchief you can’t get married without in Pakistan

This article first appeared on our partner site, Independent Urdu

There are many traditions that are strictly followed among the Pashtun and Baloch tribes of Balochistan, a province in the southwest of Pakistan and a geographic region that expands into Iran and Afghanistan.

When people get engaged or married, extra attention is given to certain rituals, one of which involves a handkerchief called 'Dasmal' in Pashto.

This handkerchief is important because it conveys a message to the groom’s side that the girl's family approves of the proposal.

Aryan Khan, a young man hailing from a Pashtun tribe who recently got engaged, said, “The handkerchief is an essential part of an engagement ceremony, without which the betrothal cannot be settled."

Aryan explains that the importance of the handkerchief in Pashtun society can be gauged from the fact that it has featured in rituals for centuries.

He said, “When a young man from a Pashtun tribe wants to get engaged, a delegation called ‘Markah’ is sent to the girl’s house. After receiving the proposal, the girl’s family considers the matter and responds with whether they have agreed or not.”

"If the proposal is accepted by the girl’s family, they then send a handkerchief, also known as the handkerchief of ‘Vokra’, which signifies their consent to the match.”

He further added, "The handkerchief consists of three colours: green, white and red. This is because the three colours go well together and are historically significant.”

According to Aryan: "Green is given so that the couple leads a happy life, red signifies long-lasting love between them and white is a message of peace so that both families dwell in peace."

After “Vokra”, the second phase of engagement begins called “Kozda” in Pashto and also known as “Kozdan” in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and Afghanistan, during which a larger handkerchief is given.

According to Aryan, what makes the ceremony special is that the young man who is engaged does not attend. It is rather his brother, father and other members of the family who are involved.

He added that this ritual is very important in Pashtun society because it is considered the most beautiful moment in the young man's life.

The handkerchief is kept in the house on regular display and people sprinkle flowers and hang candies and currency notes on this handkerchief as much as they can afford.

According to Aryan, “This ritual is practised in all the Pashtun tribes, but its traditions may have changed a little. If our elders are asked, they will probably say that these traditions have been going on since the Pashtun tribes existed.”

On the other hand, Nazar Mohammad, who sells handkerchiefs on a commercial basis, understands the importance of handkerchiefs in Pashtun tribes and says that people buy them at hefty prices.

Speaking to Independent Urdu, Nazar Mohammad estimated that the price of a handkerchief ranges from 1,000 to 20,000 Pakistani rupees (£5 to £100), with some pieces embellished with various beads.

He further mentioned that the handkerchiefs are made of silk from Banaras in India and satin from Shanghai in China and are mostly bought by Pathan and Balochi people.

Translated by Taimur Rehman, Edited and proofread by Tooba Ali & Celine Assaf