Yahoo Finance Your Employee Is Good at Her Job, But You Can't Stand Her. What Now?
The correlation between the hiring process and dating has often been made. There's the initial phase when you can't believe your luck in finding such an awesome employee, followed by the honeymoon stage, when the new employee has started the job and everyone is on their best behavior and the newness of everything is exciting. Finally, there's the realization phase, when you can't put your finger on what's wrong with said employee, but let's face it -- you're just not that into him or her.
In your love life, this would be when you decide to break up. But in your professional life, this isn't a realistic resolution. As the boss, you might grapple with an employee who has many outstanding professional qualifications, but far fewer personal qualities to make him or her a joy to be around.
Whether you've been in this situation, are currently in this situation or think you might someday be in this situation -- and, hate to break it to you, but you will -- here are some objective tips.
Pinpoint the problem. During the hiring process you saw something within Foolish Fred that made you want to hire him. Ergo, Fred isn't entirely foolish. "We rarely take time to separate the specifics about a person that annoy us from who they are," says Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas. "In reality, it's probably just their whine. Or that they constantly interrupt us. Or they're rarely on time for meetings." If you're aware of what's really bothering you about Fred, you could make moves to avoid or address those behaviors.
And speaking of behavior, Rick Kirschner, motivational speaker, communication skills trainer and co-author of "Dealing With People You Can't Stand," notes the difference between the things someone does and who that person is. "Someone's behavior is observable," he explains. "And it could change depending on the context of the situation. It could be affected by the time of day, whether they're sitting or standing, whether they're stressed. It's entirely possible for someone to behave one way at work and another way at home, so it's probably not their personality that you're actually clashing with."
Put on your big-boss britches. Set an example of the behavior you'd like to see from all your staff. Most of all, be professional, and rise above your baser instinct to lash out at Irksome Irene when she's being, well, irksome. Or as Gottsman says, "If your employee is being obnoxious, that's not an excuse to be obnoxious back."
And as the supervisor, you have no good excuse for letting your frustration lead to gossiping about Irene with your favorite employee, Brown-Nose Bob. "There's such a thing as being too comfortable with your staff," Gottsman says. "Complaining about the behavior of one employee to another conveys the message that you'll flip the script and also complain about the latter employee to the former."
Try a little tenderness. Or at least some empathy. If you don't like your employee, there's a chance the feeling is mutual. Something else to consider: "How would you feel if your boss didn't like you?" Gottsman asks. "It would probably be an awkward, uncomfortable situation for you, and you'd probably feel defeated."
Work by the golden rule of corporate culture: Offer all your colleagues the respect you yourself would like.
Take responsibility for some of your employee's nincompoopness. An unpleasant person could affect your entire department's morale, which can metastasize until it affects goals and your company's mission. If you're the boss-lady (or boss-gentleman), it's your job to have the uncomfortable conversation with Exasperating Eric about just what a stick-in-the-mud he's being. But be careful not to use language that makes your feedback a personal attack. Instead, focus on how Eric's antics relate to performance. Kirschner recommends using "pygmalion effect." In other words, reinforce the behavior you'd prefer to see.
"People jump at the chance to be the better person we've enforced that they are," Kirschner explains. For example, the best approach to changing Eric's behavior could be to say, "Your interactions with the rest of the development team during that last project haven't been like you."
Use his or her goobery toward the greater good. Maybe the very thing that gets your goat about Critical Connie could be put to good use. "As the boss, it's in your power to redirect or retrain employees," Gottsman says. "Maybe what annoys you is that he or she is always critical of the work and ideas of others. So let them spearhead their own project where they have to be on the other end and corral others' ideas." Being part of a good team means embracing outside-the-box ideas, but also tempering them, she says.
Reach for something -- anything -- good about the person. You don't have to like everyone to work well together, so concentrate on the qualifications you saw in Nudnik Neil that made you hire him in the first place. "Just because you clash with someone personally doesn't mean they're not a good fit for your team or for your company," Gottsman says. "Good employees bring value, so remember the value they bring."
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