How to Approach 4 Awkward Financial Talks With Your Partner

So you need to talk about money with your spouse -- or live-in boyfriend or girlfriend. This could be awkward.

In fact, 68 percent of Americans in relationships say finances are more of a source of tension with their partner than their sex life, according to a new report from the financial planning website LearnVest.com, which surveyed 1,000 American adults 18 and older between Dec. 8 and Dec. 13, 2016.

And your talk might not just be awkward. It may be the first time you've done it. The survey also found that one in five Americans never have serious conversations about their finances with their partner.

But you could reduce the tension if you approach your conversations strategically. Consider these methods:

[See: 10 Money Questions to Ask Your Parents.]

The "I screwed up, and it's going to cost us" talk. Maybe you rear-ended a Ferrari or you went out with friends and spent way too much. Or maybe this is really serious, and you think it's finally time to share the news that you owe a lot of credit card debt or back taxes.

Pick the right time for this talk. If you're really rattled, you may want to have your talk as soon as possible and get it over with. Your instincts to be transparent are right, but you need to try and do it when you don't have a lot of other ongoing distractions, or you'll make the situation worse.

"Talk to each other when you're calm, well-fed, hydrated and rested. Do not talk to one another in the heat of the moment," says Gretchen Kubacky, a health psychologist based in Los Angeles.

But don't wait for too long, Kubacky cautions, especially if this is news that may be time-sensitive, like a discussion about the Ferrari you inadvertently gave a new makeover.

"It only gets worse if you wait or try to hide it," Kubacky says.

The "you blundered, and it's going to cost us" talk. So your partner is making foolish financial decisions that are affecting both of you. Maybe he or she bought an expensive gym membership without consulting you, or maybe your spouse forgot to pay several bills in the last month, and you're looking at a lot of late fees and your credit card's interest is climbing. Or maybe it's something worse.

Remember how you feel about your partner. You love your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, right? And you don't want to come off as a tyrant and destroy your relationship over whatever he or she has done.

"If you're already married, remember your vows, 'For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,'" says Derek Brainard, a financial literacy coordinator who works in the financial aid department at Syracuse University in Syracuse, New York. "Remember, you're on the same team now."

Brainard also suggests you try and make your partner's problem about both of you. That doesn't mean you have to take blame for your partner's blunder, but nonetheless, Brainard says you'll get further if you say something like, "Let's talk about our plan to pay off our debt," instead of, "What are you going to do about your credit card debt?"

Brainard adds: "Nobody likes being lectured to, especially not your spouse."

[See: 12 Habits of Phenomenally Frugal Families.]

The "we've both messed up, and it's going to cost us" talk. You two aren't saving enough, or you're both spending far too much. In theory, this should be the least awkward type of conversation because you're both making mistakes. But not everyone is good about discussing money, and you may be dreading your partner's reaction to having a heavy financial conversation.

Prepare for this talk. Obviously, if you're good at communicating about money, you may not have to prepare for more than a couple minutes. Think about what you need to say and say it.

But if you have a partner who isn't on the same wavelength, you'll want to prepare more extensively, suggests April Davis, the CEO of LUMA, a luxury matchmaking service headquartered in Denver and available in 17 states.

Davis suggests writing down the key points you need to bring up, any pros and cons you have to discuss -- and to even think about the possible reactions your partner might have and how you'll want to react in response.

"Then try saying it out loud in the mirror. Hearing it can help you clarify what's most important," she says.

The "if I bring this up, it's going to look like I don't trust you" talk. Maybe you'd like to have a prenuptial agreement. Maybe you want to ask your new boyfriend or girlfriend about his or her credit card debt. There are a number of money-related areas where you may have a reasonable request or question, but by asking, you're going to look uncertain about your relationship.

Expect anger -- and don't give anger back. That may be what saved Viktoria Ivanova's relationship. Ivanova is a therapist in Vancouver, Canada, with a specialty in relationship counseling. That still didn't make it much easier when she decided she should talk to her live-in boyfriend about a pretty sensitive topic.

As Ivanova explains it, she and her boyfriend were almost two years into their relationship, which meant they would soon be common-law partners, per British Columbia law.

[See: 11 Money Tips for Older Adults.]

"In Canada, this meant that we would be sharing our debts and assets," Ivanova says. "While, luckily, debt was not an issue for us, I had an apartment in my name. Everyone around me -- colleagues at work, family and friends going through a divorce -- were talking about how it's important to protect your assets in case of a breakup."

Ivanova decided she should ask her boyfriend to sign an agreement stating that, in the event of a breakup, he wouldn't have any legal claim to her apartment. Not exactly a fun topic, but one that she couldn't avoid for long, she decided, with the two-year anniversary coming up.

Ivanova made sure she found a good time during a weekend when they wouldn't be distracted, and then she explained what she wanted her boyfriend to sign. He was, as she guessed he might be, insulted. He was angry, too.

But Ivanova didn't get angry or defensive and listened to him.

"I had to respect my partner's reaction and give space and time for my partner to process his feelings about it," she says.

She did. In the end, Ivanova's boyfriend didn't end up signing the form, but she feels the conversation made their relationship stronger. They're now engaged.